My writing about my tooth.

I have been writing a story about my tooth. At the start of my story I have tried to hook my readers in by using detail to help the reader get a picture in their head. Here are some examples of detail that I added to my story

The music was pumping loud as it sounded like it was going through the hole town.

I cuddled up into my blanket as I was putting my tiny teeth under my pink comfy pillow.
Something that challenged me was my vocabulary words and sentences. Sometimes I get stuck on making the sentences because I don't know what to type or I don't know what to do to make my sentence make sense. To help me fix up my sentences I read over them one at a time and then fix up the words so it makes sense. I am trying to start my sentences in different ways.

Here are some examples of the different ways I started my sentences

As I was eating.....

Looking in the mirror....

While I was...

After tea....

I really enjoyed fixing my sentences because when I am reading over them I get more and more ideas for my sentences. As I was writing I was thinking of funny ideas to add into my writing.

Next time I could write more information and detail for my story and write my ideas in my planning book to help me remember all the different ideas I want to add into my writing.

Here is my Sore Aching Tooth story.

My sore aching tooth

(Chapter 1 all the complaining)

As I was eating my breakfast I tasted something I never tasted before. Running to my pitch-black room I say “I need to look in my mouth, but I need to switch my light on”. Shaking and shaking I stay still frightened so I turned the light on and looked in the mirror. Looking in the mirror I see red coral blood. As I was screaming to my mum  my throat was like it was getting bitten from a spider(yuck!)   I told my mum the story , so she looked in my mouth and said that my 2nd tooth was wiggly. 5 minutes later she said that I had to go to the dentist to get my tooth pulled. Glaring up at my Mum I say “do I really need to get my  back teeth out” she replied “yes you do because you have been eating too much lollies and you have a bad toothache”.” Oh no” I said I need to come up with a plan or I will be going to the dentist to get my teeth pulled out. I went to bed and had a dream that I was getting all my teeth out and I said to myself WAIT!!! I need to get my teeth pulled out because my Mum will keep on complaining and complaining about it. I had a good night sleep until my Mum was complaining and I could hear her voice. Blah blah blah she was talking about this and that. I said “could you go please go and complain to dad”.

(Chapter 2 going to the dentist)

In the morning I got up so late I had to get dressed and everything in 10 minutes. I was so nervous because I was getting my teeth pulled out. I never wanted to get my teeth pulled out.Walking to the car I was thinking I hope this doesn't hurt. We were finally there. As we were walking amongst the room I could barely breath. Before I got my teeth pulled out the nurses put on numb gel on my gum (numb gel is a type of gel that makes your teeth or where you put it numb) While I was getting my teeth pulled out I was staring up at the light and thinking will this hurt or with this just be fine.I started to daydream of what could I buy with this money maybe my own play station, my own t.v, or would I just save it to my my own queen bed ahh that would be nice and comfortable. In the dentist they said that they were going to pull out the two back ones.

(Chapter 3 going home)

Pouncing into the car my gum started to feel sore. As me, my sister, my cousin and mum were leaving the dentist I had two long cotton in my mouth It was annoying because dribble keeps on coming out and there were heaps of water in my mouth that was DISGUSTING!!!!!!! After a long drive we stopped at Pak ‘n’ save and my mum brought me lemonade ice blocks. I said to myself I wonder what my dad is doing maybe cleaning the house up, doing the lawns, doing our room, aahhhh that's a great idea. I might make my little sister do my chores and her chores at the same time. As we were driving home I was looking at McDonald I couldn’t stop looking there I just wanted to eat there. “Anyway let's get home so I can relax” I said. As we were pulling up thru the drive thru I started to feel pain. When we parked up I feel asleep because I wanted my dad to carry me back inside(Ain’t I lazy) He started to tickle me so I woke up because I didn’t like how it felt. Jogging towards the door I see dripping blood. Thinking what could I do with this blood I might not be able to go inside.

(Chapter 4 at home)

Making my way towards the door I see my mouth pouring out blood. Making plans I say to myself I can run straight to the bathroom so that all the blood can drip into the sink.

Seeking threw the bathroom door I see a cockroach I said “I ain’t going near that little creature I don’t like those”. Making my way through my room I fall onto my bed hearing silent things. I was thinking has everybody went, until they were shouting, slamming the doors, vacuum on and the music was pumping loud as it sounded like it was going through the hole town. I screamed loud as possible they still couldn’t hear me. It was finally time to have tea. We had delicious roast chicken I was so nice I couldn’t stop eating it. After tea me, my sister and cousin had to clean up. Only me and my cousin got to have a ice - cream because my sister already had hers. It was time to go to bed. I cuddled up into my blanket as I was putting my tiny teeth under my pink comfy pillow. Waking up in the morning I threw my pillow away and had 50$ (nah just joking) I had 20$. I happily ran to my mum and said “I have 20$” she replied “OK we can go for a ride in town later”. She also said “go and get ready and by the time mum and dad wake up we can get ready and go”. Mum and dad were already to go into town. Excitedly  jogging to the car I already had my head full of ideas.

What’s your story about your tooth?